a lazy nite

It's 1:32 am, and still, I can't sleep. btw, he's adorable don't u think so? he's out with his friends right now. And here I am without him watching dvds with my cat Grey. I don't know why I put this picture here. guess I'm a lil lonely here. blech, come on lamb.. lonely?

yeah.. yeah.. I admit it. Maybe I miss him.. yeah right, I do miss him. a LOT actually. even that I did went out with him yesterday. I just can't stop missing him. blah..blah..blah, I know what u're guys thinking. but spare me your comments. I just don't need it.

I'm an insomniac, I think. I just can't sleep at night. and I can only sleep during the day. maybe I need drugs. yeah.. I need drugs to help me sleep well. Anybody? anybody knows any good sleeping pills? That surely can put me to sleep. by the way, it's my fingers are writing right now. not my brain. It's malfunctioning right now. and I bet it is, ecause I couldn't sleep right now. even after i had a glass of warm milk. it doesn't work at all. damn, it does get me want to go the toilet now.

okay, I better stop right now, or else my blog will me a diary of mine. I better sleep. ah, different days, same old SHIT.

*phew!* What a crazy night!

I just got back. Me and boyfriend went out to watch TRANSFORMERS. Damn, it was a good movie. You guys should watch it. Great action scenes, freakin cool robots, and so do the cars. Man, that was the greatest movie that I've watched this year! it's crazy! how did they made a film that was so freakin awesome? geezz..

Optimus Prime as a truck(a very niceee truck), Bumblebee as a Camaro(I want one just like that!), Jazz - a Pontiac(how cool was that?), Ironhide as a pick-up truck and last but not least Ratchet; a hummer(great one!) It was so cool when the autobots transform. So freakinnn' cool! Not to forget that annoying Frenzy the Decepticon. But it is cute though, with that squeaky voice and disguising itself as a CD player. So cute even it is not on the good guys' side. ;) but the funny thing is my boyfriend fell asleep while watching the movie. Maybe he's too tired. Poor him. He was so excited to watch the movie but he slept during the final fights between the Autobots and the Decepticons. What a waste. But I can't blame him. He's just so tired for not sleeping well. Anyway, the movie was good. Our night ended up crazy(baby, it was brave, but MAD!). So now I'm back home safely, and he went 'lepak'ing with his friends at mamak stall. And I'm here with my half-closed eyes, finishing my post for today, and yeah.. I want to sleep soon after I finished writing. Hope I get to sleep well and wake up early tommorow or else my dad will get mad at me. Bonne nuit !

It's 4am, and this is what i got

It was late at night and I couldn't sleep. So as usual I sit on the chair by my desk, and start to wander around the table if I got something to get my fingers busy. So, as u can see here. That's what I did get in return. Pathetic is it? So lame. Everytime I got a pen and a paper. That's what came out. It's not from my brain. It was from my fingers! I started drawing stupid things. Like that man with no eyes and snake-like tongue. What the hell am I thinking? The worst thing is. The phrase, love.angel.music.baby. is the biggest sign among others. Sick isn't it. And also, what the hell was the STOP sign's for? Man, this is the stupidest things I had ever done since all my works. I never kept my work for myself. I love giving it to people. But not this piece. I'm going to keep it as a rememberance of my stupidity. *belch* excuse me :)

I miss him

I miss him. I miss his Bambi eyes pleading to me when he wants to sleep on my lap. Whenever I'm on the couch watching tv, he always fidget itself beside me. His soft fur really made me miss him. He left us last year. He got this virus, and suddenly he's gone. I remember the day when he got so sick from the virus, and his saliva was drooling averywhere; that includes my lap. Me and my sister brought him to a vet. He got a shot and the vet told us maybe he got viruses in him but she can't do anything as he never got a shot from any vet. After that we went home, and just for half an hour of difficult breathing, he was a goner. my brother buried him at the back of our house. I didn't cry as I'm not such weenie (I did cried a bit *sniff*). But since that day, I miss him a lot. Especially today when my other cat fidget itself beside me to watch tv with me. Duh, it's only a cat. And so what? I miss him like hell!

It's been a while (sound pollution)

It's been a while now I didn't posts anything. It's just I'm so lazy to post one ;) Gosh! the pilling sounds at the back of my house does get to my nerves! Can't they be anymore louder? Making me deaf anytime sooner. hmm, my life is going upside down now. But does anyone cares about it? Maybe I'll end it sooner. Depression isn't always good. Suicide is better? Lemme see.. It's an easy choice between two. But I'm going to stick to one decision right now. And I ain't going to tell anyone about it. haha. Crazy me. hmm, my friends.. they've been supportive all the time being. But I didn't get any chance of meeting them. Ayyat, especially. Now it's almost at the end of the holiday. And I didn't get to meet her not once. Ika, she's going to continue her study oversea in September. Gosh, just a few more months to go. Seri, it's okay. I always meet her now and then. Ainnaa is going back to Malaysia anytime soon from Russia. It's been a while I didn't meet her. Anyway, Zeera is back from NZ. But still, I didn't get a chance to meet her. Maybe I'll ask my mum to drop me by her house when she's off to work. -->On the 7th of July, my school is taking part in the international Band Comp. I think so. Natra ask me to go there. So does all my school mates. Can't believe to see my juniors in the flock of the band. I'm not sure I'm going or not. But if I'm going, I'll go with my boyfriend. I want him to be with me. Well, it's just it for now. Till then.

*yawn* I hate being bored, it sucks and I hate being hated. but this is only my opinion, no one else ever seems to really care all that much what i think. oh well, we move on...

oh yeah, i understand

Uhh yess I understand the whole thing about life. Now shut up. Dang its too crowded in my life. Get out everyone. I need to do some mind cleaning soo let me just let every thing out here. LIFE is soooo borring.. blech. I hate my page. Luv my blog. yaya! I'm all perky for once! Uh huh yeah I know I don't make any sense. Well this is a blog. Brought to you by blogger.com. Wait.. Why am I blabbering?

Hey should I really take my friends advice, "go fly girl!" What they meant was me, moi, to be a stewardess a.k.a. flight attendant. So that I can finally go to France; my 1st holiday destination. Then a chance to go anywhere in this world for a working stint? Is it empty dreams or should I do it? The problem is I am so not in the mood now, for doing anything. I feel lazy. Everyday is the lame old same, I woke up, watch tv, laze, mope. spirits down. Not like last year. I recall I was more chirpy last year. why ah? Could taking supplements help? I read that evening primrose oil is good for pms, mild depression. Will it help me or am I beyond help? Man I don't know.

Or maybe I can rearrange my study and go for masters? But that sounds so dull. I even thought of taking a sewing class. So that I can sew my own clothes. those in the market now are so awfully dull. In case I lose my job, I can still make a living selling my clothes. Good idea isn't it? yaya! what the..??!

The thing is, I know that the possibilities are endless, but I just need to get off my butt and do it.

Speaking of which my buttt is in danger of getting flabby if I don't do anything about it soon. I better get up and do something.

Oh well, I have nothing else to say as at now. Hope i achieve something by the next entry. Byee..

Materialistic

Materialista. Materialism. Materialist. Everyone consider it to be bad as they picture it a materialist tend to consider material possessions or MONEY and physical comfort as more important than spiritual values. It is bad. It is disgusting. But how do you not care about it as people nowadays can buy happiness with money. And through it the comfort lies. People tend to be nice to get money, and sometimes they act nice just because of money. Those grey stuffed people, full of smoky hatred yelled about us being a materialist. Can u spot it, people who loves us, cared for us. They give us comfort, sacrifices anything not just spiritually; all of their possessions, just to make us happy. And those who doesn't, they just ignore us playing blind and deaf just avoiding from providing anything to us. Them, them who spoke about materialism, cursing about how bad are we as materialist in a world where it's hard to explain as it is hard to breathe in this smoky lounge of misanthropy. I am a materialist, but not a gold-digger. A materialist that experience love from materials not spiritually. A girl that never experience love perfectly. Parental love. I've never been appreciated. All my effort seems useless. Only God's know what I've been through and what are ME and my siblings are living through. Imagine life of a stray cat. Being fed, not loved. It's painful. It's a pathetic life. As I want to end it. But my guardian angels is here. I have two of them. One is in heaven right now, looking down to me from above. And one is right here with me, being my lover, my best friend, and my soul mate. For an eternal happiness shall I continue my life and be happy to make it better.

REFLECTIONS

Great, isn't it?

the greatest of all

And now I will show you the most excellent way:

If I speak in tongues of human and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give up all I possess and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient; love is kind; it does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are lives, they will pass away; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge it will pass away. For we know in part and we breathes in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I grew up, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection, then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.

heroes?

HEROES, what a great show. At first ayinn recommended it to me. For just a few episodes I get sooo hooked with the show. Then my boyfriend said that he got nearly the entire episodes, and he got them burned on a dvd for me. After that my midnight movies was heroes. Watching them episodes by episodes until my notebook got so hot from playing the dvd. I just can't resist Milo, as he's Peter Petrelli in the show. He's hot. really2 hot. He reminded me of the show he's in before this; Gilmore Girls. He played Rory's rebellious boyfriend Jess. He's cute! ah! He also appears as Fergie's love interest in Fergie's music video 4 her single "Big Girls Don't Cry". U guys should watch it. Especially for Milo's die hard fan. He got these tatoos in the video clip, and he looked awesome! Who can resist this quiet, cute guy with the smouldering gaze of charm? Tell me!

Sylar, a.k.a. the villain in this show. He kills people, cutting their head open and eats their brain. What a psychopath?! That doesn't disgust me from watching the show. By the way, I just love how the show works. We can't predict anything for the next episodes. That glued my ass on the couch to continue watching the show. The show is the best since The OC. Agreeing with me guys? :) Anybody? Niki Sanders, that's the coolest chick ever. I want to be hot like her, and I want to be slim like her. Geez, that would be hard. Well, the shows ended with a stupid ending for the first season. How stupid is it, that not a single person realize about Sylar? Dammit! But that makes the show to be continued further, anyway right? i just can't wait for the second season!

blonde redhead

My boyfriend discovered a band that really captures me. Blonde Redhead. With a Japanese lead singer and two twins brother, can anything be anymore cooler than that? I just love Kazu (the lead singer) as she has this high, eerie voice which hovers over melodic guitar riffs and clockwork drum beats. Really cool. And she's hot too. An Asian chick who plays guitar and IS the lead singer of an indie rock band; geez.. I want to be like her. Nice musics, great lyrics. It's like ecstasy listening to their records. I just heard some of their songs, just a few of them. But I fell in love with the soulful voice and fuck, why didn't I discovered them earlier?! It's just a waste of art dammit! Melody is my favourite piece from the band. Maybe there's tons of their records that are good but I didn't have the chance to listen to it. They've released an album this year; 23, damn I didn't heard any of it yet. Maybe sooner or later I'll search for it.Hey guys, listen to them. They're fuckin' good!

Do good anyway

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Love them anyway.If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind. Think big anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People really need help but may attack if you help them. Help people anyway. Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you've got anyway.

moi masterpiece

How sweet are these? *wink* i love all the picture in here. It brings back memories. Memories with him. All the sweetest that I could remember. All the juiciest dreams I could ever imagine. He's here with me now. Thru ups and down in my life -there were almost downs in my life. I always have freak-outs. I never thought that somebody will cope it with me. Understanding. He could be my mum if he's a girl -I mean a woman :). Gosh! I couldn't say what he has done to me. But just imagine, he sacrifices all he's got to me, ungrateful me. All of it. Hey dude, thanx. For u are my love and my life. You ARE my rockstar.

It's tiring

I'm so tired of living. Sometimes I wish I was dead.Sometimes I wish I wasn't being born in this life. It's excruciating. It's so painful that I wet my pillows every night. It's tiring. It's pulling me towards salvation. I'm sick and tired of it. I’m sick and tired of it! I do my best all the time. I do what I have to do. No matter how it makes me cries and throb inside. I feel like no one cares. No one sees the effort. I do it and do it and do it until I’m sweating and sobbing and shaking. I get so filled with fury and hate that I can’t see. Everything starts to spin. I twitch and grope at the rope that will drag me to salvation but every inch closer I crawl, someone pulls it farther away, laughing at my tears, my sweat, my blood. It makes me sick. It’s not worth it. I find relief from it. I get up off my knees, brush of my clothes, the blood of my face and then I go away. I leave your laughter, your joy. All the fighting and trying is pointless. It’s like trying to walk trough a wall. And your bony pointless hatred still pokes me no matter where I run to get away from it. I can’t run, no matter how fast my legs move. Can’t hide no matter how dirty I’m willing to get. It’s all a game to you, a trick to see how far down the line you can push me I’m over the line now. What is a game to you now is my life.

The love of my life!

I never thought that I could fall in love to anybody in this world.Hah ha, big talk from a small me - tall 2 be exact. The first time I saw him, I fall for him. Big one. But he kinda resisted. I don't know how to say it, but I nearly gave up on him because it was really hard to like somebody that doesn't love me back. Yikes! I sounded like a love novel writer, haha! hmm.. by the way, now I got him, I mean me n him were together now. hah ha, I never thought it would end up this way. I'm so madly in love with him right now, and I bet he IS, too. He's everything to me. He understands me, and all of the listed criterias of your dream boyfriends *wink*, although his jealousy is killing me. But that shows how much he loves me right?