it's been a while (working period)

my life, my life. it's turning upside down. sitting here in my living room, writing my blog while listening to music. it seems nice to you right? but realitily, i doesn't. somehow, somewhere i feel alone. so empty n hollow i could feel the cold feeling trickling down my neck. i feel numb and even if i smile i cry inside.

i admit i got all the things that i wanted before. but something is missing. i got my bestfriend by my side, but still i'm not that entirely happy. i did feel happy but goshh.. i don't even know how to describe it. i need somebody i think, to put my life in place. that could lead me to a right path.

geez, talking about right path.. man.. i've been wayyy out line in my life. i did things that are not supposed to be done. daymm, this blog is not my diary. i'm telling u guys about my life and it sucks. like i'm humiliating myself falling flat on my face. but nemmind, sometimes it's nice to ventilate all your feelings right. see.. i'm talking thrash right now.

before this i could recall myself being extra creative in writing about somethingelse. but now all i could think of is writing about my life and the way i'm feeling at the moment.

hmm, i'm waiting for my friend to get back so i can have my lunch. it's been a while i did not post anything. kaka had been asking me to update my blog. katenye da berabuk blog i ni.. ha, dah lap ni. tak berabuk dah. ehe, i got no time laa sayang. keje je. where got time meh to sit and write about my feelings. k dah lah, i nak g mandi. dah pukul berapa ni. i shud get my ass off this couch and get a life rather than whining on how unlucky i am in life. GO GIRL!!

fragile

i couldn't feel myself now. i felt numb. i'm blaming myself for being so insecure, so fragile, so thin. that can be invaded by others. i'm so EASY. that's the word. people sees me a strong girl, a strong person from the outershell. but the fact is i'm so damn weak. i cried and i cried. until there's no tears left in me. now i'm feeling hopeless. nobody cares about me and what they would prefer is; listening to others making fake rumors about me. the reason? just trying to ruin others' life. i have changed. truly changed. even me, myself can't handle it. so true. that it proves me in vain. i cannot do anything right. i AM a loser.

boredom kills me mann

i'm damn bored noww.. it kills me to be this way. for one whole day i slept. and now i just woke up. i can't believe i'm a working girl right now. waking up as it is. phew, it's crazy mann. now my life started to sparks like it was never before. and not that it lead to only good things, it leads to unhealthy things too. My life is tipped over. not fully upside down yet. because i know i can put myself together and make things the way it is again. somebody's trying to correct me. I'm fully aware of my mistakes. but what will i do next? will i have the effort to correct my wrong doings? or will i continue to slip in my beautiful mistakes? oh man, i don't know. SHE told me that i will continue to do the same thing again as she was like me before. and THAT scares the hell out of me. am i that easy to be read and judged? DAMMNN.. i'm turning into someone i don't even know.somebody that is so damn selfish and i hate that fact.