It's tiring

I'm so tired of living. Sometimes I wish I was dead.Sometimes I wish I wasn't being born in this life. It's excruciating. It's so painful that I wet my pillows every night. It's tiring. It's pulling me towards salvation. I'm sick and tired of it. I’m sick and tired of it! I do my best all the time. I do what I have to do. No matter how it makes me cries and throb inside. I feel like no one cares. No one sees the effort. I do it and do it and do it until I’m sweating and sobbing and shaking. I get so filled with fury and hate that I can’t see. Everything starts to spin. I twitch and grope at the rope that will drag me to salvation but every inch closer I crawl, someone pulls it farther away, laughing at my tears, my sweat, my blood. It makes me sick. It’s not worth it. I find relief from it. I get up off my knees, brush of my clothes, the blood of my face and then I go away. I leave your laughter, your joy. All the fighting and trying is pointless. It’s like trying to walk trough a wall. And your bony pointless hatred still pokes me no matter where I run to get away from it. I can’t run, no matter how fast my legs move. Can’t hide no matter how dirty I’m willing to get. It’s all a game to you, a trick to see how far down the line you can push me I’m over the line now. What is a game to you now is my life.

The love of my life!

I never thought that I could fall in love to anybody in this world.Hah ha, big talk from a small me - tall 2 be exact. The first time I saw him, I fall for him. Big one. But he kinda resisted. I don't know how to say it, but I nearly gave up on him because it was really hard to like somebody that doesn't love me back. Yikes! I sounded like a love novel writer, haha! hmm.. by the way, now I got him, I mean me n him were together now. hah ha, I never thought it would end up this way. I'm so madly in love with him right now, and I bet he IS, too. He's everything to me. He understands me, and all of the listed criterias of your dream boyfriends *wink*, although his jealousy is killing me. But that shows how much he loves me right?

*yawn*

Does anyone know of a site like blogger & dead journal with the same stuff like them. I've been trying to find a new publishing thing like them but I haven't found one.

What the heck is this? I'm bad I'm bad. You know it. Join me or else.

Testing my bloggy

Testing, testing, testing.. Okay you got the point.

*cough*

Ah, my first post

Orang dah ke bulan aku baru nak create blog. haha, i don't know how will i manage my blog. But let see.. with tons of works to do, can I do it? Will I? Just see.. i could recall that I've created blogs at other places. But I didn't post anything new in it. because I get bored of it. Sot let see, how this blog is going to survive.. aite?
Everyone's blogging now, and I thought; hey, why don't I give it a try? Blogging. It does sounds interesting. Everyone's obsessions now. Other than ms of fs, right? Maybe I started my blog a little bit too late than others. So what? Better to start one than never. geez..
My blog will be a journal (maybe), or a punching bag to ease my boredom thru writings. That sounds lame. Lame, lame, lame! What a lame-o! Yikes! who will read my blog as I don't have any interesting things to offer? yada..yada..yada~ I'm talking thrash now, so I better stop. c u guys in future posts of mine, maybe 10 years later. hah ha!